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| me MUM and DAD |
How we are coping 6th April 2010 Well it seems like a lifetime since it all happened. And tommoro on the 7th April we will be able to spend another
Birthday with our McAyla, you can not beleive how this small thing has brought a smile on my face (Dad). We are trying to
cope with mom having to leave work to be able to get McAyla to all her different appoinments and take time to spen TIME with
her, it is a strain on resources and we will have to cope with that for a long time.
Are we coping still?...........well
yes we have to, we have to get on with life the best we can and in that McAyla is getting on with life the best she can, she
looks so normal, yet we know she suffers inside, we try and we hope that later on in her life she WILL be the great woman
we know she will be.
Once again thank you all for your support.
DAD
How we are coping 23rd october 2009
Well so much and so little has changed, It is great to be able to write here that
McAyla has been so strong and come back in some small way to be here with us. Mom is feeling it a bit with post traumatic
stress at the moment and well dad just works away at it. I feel so proud to be the father of such a strong little girl, she
brings tears to my eyes, yet I dont shed them...............one day I will just have to let it all flood out and am afraid
that if I hug her I will not want to let go.
Mom wrote the following on August the 8th:
She rode
a bicycle again!!!!
It's so cool and it has made my year yet again with Mic being able to do a few of the
things she used to. I unfortunately was out, when she did this for the first time, and only got to see her ride the next day.
You can't imagine how proud I'm feeling. Each day, she goes outside and rides and gains more confidence.
All the neighbours came out to watch her and were amazed at how unafraid she was to try to ride again. They've
all commented on how fantastic it is to see her outside doing things she used to, and how it helps Mic to appear normal to
the other kids. I think there may have been a little tear or two of happiness in their eyes.
On the medical side,
she's outgrown her splint again and has been told not to use her cane unless she is walking far distances. This isn't
because she's any better at walking, I think the physio is just trying to get Mic to use her body to balance rather than
rely on the cane.
But hey, at least my baby has clawed back a little piece of her old self back, and for that I
am extremely happy!
Emotionaly we are drained and it keeps taking it out of you, she still only does a few
hours a day at school and loves it so much I just wonder if they appriciate what they have, a person who is so dedicated to
craving knoladge and learning....................a bit like dad then......LOL.
DAD
How we are coping end of MAY 2009
Well things have moved on a bit, still McAyla looks so normal BUT she is different.
I have had meetings with the school, and though I realise they are doing there best BUT McAyla is thier FIRST ABI
Child, thus it is a learning curve for them too. I still feel that McAyla needs some speacial treatment at school
as I fear that she will be the victim of abuse in the school when she starts more normal times in mainstream school. Yes McAyla
is as they put it better than some children at things, though this is mostly due to those children choosing to not want
to learn in most cases. I just want the best for McAyla and I AM STILL NOT CONVINCED that the school can provide all that....................IF
I HEAR THE WORD FUNDING ONCE MORE I may have to start getting angry. I too want the best for MY CHILD and dont see why I may
have to PAY for that to happen !
I just hope that we can start to make a difference with McAyla's education soon, as I fear we may get railroded
into thinking they actually know what they are doing. I may have to look at starting a petition to those in charge of education
as I am sure there are LOADS of parents out there who have had this THRUST upon them and are haveing to learn everything from
scratch. I alo hope to scan in McAylas cognative tests and other documents for people to read and maybe get a better understanding
of what we are having to deal with andf what McAyla is having to deal with............I know McAyla is a young woman now trapped
in a youngsters world trying to be all grown up.
I do feel her pain so much in my heart, I really do..............
DAD
How we are coping end of MARCH 2009
Well it has been a difficult time, my MOM passed away yesterday the 25th March 2009, I am starting to think
somone is after me, I really think that. It cam as a great shock to all of us and my DAD is taking it very well at the moment.
I am trying to arrange the funeral details at the moment and the cost is great. MOM and DAD did not have any plans really
and the ones they had were less than 2 years old.
I LOVED MY MOM, i know that McAyla loved her too, they just loved to argue with each other as they are both
firey people, my mom loved to interact with McAyla and even more since the accident as they both were special in thier own
way and got along just great. McAyla is doing well a\nd the report from the psycologists came back, I will upload it soon,
but in a nutshell it says she will always have some issues and will have to be looked after for a long,long time........but
you know what, she will just take it all in her stride. Sex education is going on at school at the moment and she finds it
funny, that is just how it is and could be a concern later, all these small things to worry about, it just fills your mind,
full of dealing with it all.
This is a short one today as i am so tired and dealing with my DAD today and finding my MOM passed away
has hurt alot, the past 7 months have been a small part of hell really yet having McAyla brings heaven shining through.
MOM I KNOW you there................I LOVE YOU.
DAD
HOW WE ARE COPING END OF FEBRUARY 2009
Well cant say much more than this recent BOLG entry:
I'm sorry for not updating regularly, but things get a little hectic sometimes and I find myself running
out of hours in the day. This entry is just to give that little more insight into MJ and to thank a range of people for all
that they have done.
As far as MJ has come, she still struggles with following conversations, she struggles with attention
and her short term memory is still an issue. She still goes through a range of emotions and sometimes overreacts to situations.
How much of that is normal teenage girl stuff and how much of it is because of her injury...I don't know. I do know that I'm
more protective of her now as would be expected. I still let her go out and hang with her mates, and I try to give her independence,
but I'm also very aware that those that don't see MJ everyday don't fully understand what she's going through.
She
is not always able to convey what she means in the right way. For example when she says she's special. Sometimes she's joking
and sometimes she is being serious. I tell MJ that she is special. She is my daughter and is special to me. She is special
because she has survived a very traumatic injury that should have killed her (and almost did). At the very least, it should
have left her in a very worse state, but it hasn't and that makes her special. Sometimes, when she does daft things that make
us laugh, we tell her she's a bit special, meaning she's daft. This is a family joke.
MJ lacks tact at the moment.
What I mean is that she calls a spade a spade. If she's irritated, she'll tell you. She's not pretentious. If your hair is
a mess, she'll say it in a way that will probably offend you. She doesn't mean it like that though. Obviously, if you do the
same back, it hurts her too. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. We are open and upfront within our own home and
we say things as we see them. McAyla just has to learn when it's appropriate. Imagine a child having a temper tantrum. Sometimes
when we are angry, we'd like nothing more than to cry and scream and stamp our feet. We don't. We learn what is acceptable
behaviour. McAyla has to re-learn appropriate behaviour too. Like with all children, it doesn't happen overnight, it will
not happen overnight with MJ either.
I guess what I'm trying to say is have a little patience with MJ when you chat
with her. Sometimes she's an 11 year old girl who's able to chat about fashion and boys etc and sometimes she's younger MJ
trapped in her 11yr old body.
When I chat with her about the accident, sometimes she cries. Sometimes I cry. It's buried
very close to the surface. She understands that our lives all changed and she understands how much we all love her and how
close she came to dying. She cries when she thinks of the compassion her friends showed when she probably didn't even know
who they were. I sometimes see tears in her eyes when she sees people with worse physical/learning difficulties than herself.
She looks at her website and cries when she sees all of her photographs and reads the letters from all the people whose lives
she has touched. I still cry when I read them.
So, MJ starts school on Monday. It's only for an hour, but at least
it's a begining. Another landmark she has reached. I know MJ is a little scared and excited about starting high school. She's
worried that her mates won't understand her disability and like any new kid, she's worried she won't fit in.
Needless
to say, the thought of her in high school makes me proud, scared senseless, apprehensive and in general I feel like a nervouse
wreck!!
She'll be picked up and dropped off by taxi. While it's great that MJ is now starting school, the physio sessions
have moved to the afternoons. This is a problem as it's the school run time and Di won't be able to take MJ to physio anymore.
I think we may have it covered with my father in law, but my mum in law is also very poorly most days and he is her carer
and needs to look after her. It's another hurdle, but we'll get through it. I'm not letting it get me down as I know, one
way or another, we'll manage. I just like to have the solution before the problems occur.
During the half term break
MJ has tried trampolining again. She really enjoyed it, but hurt her ankle. Other than that, physio is going well, she's still
enjoying hydro and this next week she'll be fitted for a new splint as she's quickly outgrowing the current one. She had a
session with SLT and MJ was taught how to breathe when she speaks. MJ uses her shoulder to help draw in a deep breath as opposed
to using her diaphram. Hence the whispering. We are still waiting for the results of the pshyc assessment.
Can I just
add a huge thank you to Di Briggs for taking MJ to physio over the last few months. You have been fantastic and I am forever
endebted to you.
Mrs Telgar at Nunnerywood High School for getting things in place so quickly when MJ was discharged
from hospital. Also, thank you for understanding about MJ's shoe situation.
Mrs Hemmings for putting my mind at ease
as to how and where MJ will start her school intergration.
Sarah Lane for getting the course work and teaching MJ at
home.
Lynn Luchesse for understanding our needs as a family and for organising MJ's home schooling, re-intergration
to school and the whole co-ordination of the different disciplines around MJ.
Nic B, Kim and Vicki and their families
for being there with MJ when she couldn't communicate verbally, for including her in birthday parties, exercising with her
and in general just making her feel normal. You have touched my soul with your kindness.
Dave's dad for helping out
when we need you on short notice.
Ashley my beautiful grown up daughter things have been tough for you, but you have
helped look after your sister and put your life on hold. I love you and I can never thank you enough. Thank you so much for
doing all that you do.
Cortni my little baby for wanting to play with your sister, making sure she is safe even at
your tender age and for giving MJ just that little bit of a hard time every now and then as sisters should.
Sam my
'adopted' daughter you too have been there for MJ, even before her accident. Thank you for being the shoulder for MJ to lean
on when she cannot turn to others.
MOM and DAD
How are we coping early FEBRUARY 2009
Well it has been 6 months, yes that LONG. It has been hard, tiring and great fun to learn with McAyla again.
We have met some FANTASTIC people and have worked hard to keep everything going in the household. We are unhappy that the
council has not at the very least STARTED on the crossings or advised when it will be. I just hope they realise they are playing
with peoples lives on a daily basis. McAyla wil be starting school.....a day we never thought would happen, yet it also brings
issues to resolve. We wont cave in we will keep going....why?..........because that is the way it must be. We know McAyla
just wants to be normal again, by that we mean that she wants to be the same as everyone else and we have realised that she
is a remarckable young woman who has changed the lives of many with her smile and we are proud to know her as our daughter.
We are having a tough time, dont get me wrong but we have been through a fair bit and we realise that there are people worse
off than us and McAyla. We just want to go on a holiday and have a laugh and relax, though we will never be able to relax............we
have kids and we love them all. The joys of being a parent.
DAD
How we are coping January 20th 2009
Well we hoped the crossing would have taken place by now. At least we thought work would have
started on doing somthing.......but.....alas NOTHING. They are digging a hole half way up the road, maybe that has somthing
to do with it?. We are very proud of McAyla and what she has done so far, we just dont want her to go to fast at the moment.
She is VERY bored at home and we cant do much to help that as we are both now back at work. My company has been REALLY GREAT
over this period and are as flexible as they can be during these hard times. I CANT THANK THEM
ALL ENOUGH.
On the other hand Terri's company, or at least her BOSS is taking a rather harder approach and
I THINK that it is putting her under alot of starin to keep having to BEG to have
time off to attend somthing. It hurts to know that she or rather WE cant afford for her to take a part time job to spend more
time with MCayla as we just CANT AFFORD IT. I just want to walk in there and give him a mouthfull or whatever comes to mind.
I dont think they realise that just over 4 months ago OUR DAUGHTER was NEARLY DEAD!, yet they think that as she seems fine
and we just say she is fine that your life just carries on normal........................we ARE
TRYING TO, at this moment we need to give McAyla all we can.
I think you just get tired of fighting for your daughter by fighting people whgo may not even
matter.............though you need them in order to provide for McAyla and the rest of the family, strange how that works!.
I am so proud of what she can do and so proud she tries EVERYTHING..................I just wish we could provide so much more
for her at this time, after all she is now becoming a young LADY and needs that extra bit of TLC.
Well looking around for a holiday to SPAIN......so expensive....................So
if you know somone with a villa near the beach do let know...LOL only kidding, McAyla is soooooooooooooooooo looking forward
to going and Cortni says she cant go as she dont have a "spasport"......................
You just gotta LOVE em...........if you do one thing today tell your kids you love em.........
DAD
How are we coping JANUARY 1st 2009
Well it has been quite a year and then it all went pear shaped. I cant say I am not happy to see the back
of 2008,yet, I think that it brought home the fact that one day you have it all and are ok and then the next day it has all
gone!.
On reflection I am just so happy to have been able to spend a week with my family, ALL my family. I just
saw the news about Rebbeca Jones in sheffield
and it made my heart cry out to her family, the picture just made me shudder knowing that exact same picture
was in September Mcayla...............the world is so small and people are effected the same in different ways. I sent them
a message saying to be strong and to tell rebbeca to be strong.........why?...........well it works, it really does. At this
time of the year all I can say to everyone is THANK YOU,THANK YOU, THANK YOU.....................I have had a chance to spend
a great time with my family when I thought that it would never be.......
DAD
How are we coping DECEMBER
Well Xmas is nearly here and we have already received the best and biggest present, McAyla. Just over 3
months ago we were staring the fact that McAyla would die in the face. We had to think about how if she did survive would
live. Would she have the quality of life that an 11 year old deserved. We were faced with the fact that she would never be
the same again. We faced the fact that our live would change forever. ALL these were and some are still facts of our lives
we have to face.
We have faced them alone and we have faced some with the help of others. We are trying to adjust to how
different life could have been and how different life actually is. I find people thinking that all is well and back to normal.
I wonder how they would feel if somthing they loved everyday then changed forever, just somthing small changed them. It is
not what is on the outside.............it is what is on the inside you need to look at. All we can do is move forward
and continue to fight for McAyla and fight for what is best for her. We can only hope that she will be as NORMAL as she can
be.
We are going to enjoy this christmas, we are going to reflect on this very emotional and trying year and
pray that 2009 will again bring us joy, sorrow, love and pain................why?..............well that is what life
is all about and it is how we keep going, it is how we grow as people. Life is worth living and fighting for just make sure
that you can be all you can be with what you have.
We wish you all a great festive season and hope that you have a great 2009.
HOW WE ARE COPING (November)
Thursday 20th, Well it seems that we are moving VERY SMALL STEPS forward, at least they are forward. I just
love the way McAyla sees the world, like for the first time. Everything is new for her, she is trying so hard to put all the
pieces together in the world. She said the other day:
"I think I have short term memory loss....................but I cant remember"
I was not sure if I was meant to cry or laugh. It is so hard to see my BRIGHT,OUTGOING and ACTIVE little
girl like this, the HURT is so deep I can't explain. She asks about golf and if she has any lessons left................oh
how things have changed..............Time is the thing we all want more of, and TIME is what we as a family need.
DAD
Saturday 15th, I just wonder how far one can go. I am so tired, just so tired. I love McAyla and my whole
family yet I feel so drained, my brian is forgetting things daily and I struggle to concentrate. I think that my body is catching
up with all the stress that this has placed on me (and the wife and the rest of the family for that matter).
The wifes company has told her that from December they will only pay for the hours she will work. And
though we understand the preasure they are under,this puts ENORMOUS PRESSURE on us as a family as we need to be able to cope.
MCAYLA is our first priority, though if one doesnt pay the bills then.........well!. So it looks as if that HOLIDAY
to SPAIN may have to WAIT.....................life just bites you in the A**..................thats the way it seems at the
moment.
All this is a strain, I somtimes think people see that MCAYLA is home so she MUST BE OK !, dam, that
upsets me no end. McAyla is home and she is NOT WELL. McAyla is suffering from Aquired Brain Injury and WILL NOT BE FINE FOR
SOME TIME............she may be not fine for a VERY LONG TIME. I cant find the words to explain how that effects your daily
life and I dont know how people cope with it. Yes there are agencies out there who can offer advise, but they dont LIVE with
it. I find it frustrating that Agencies who visit to offer support HAVE NO CLUE about McAyla....................they deliver
pads for her, wrong size, they arrange education for her, have the wrong year....................I know they are working hard
and doing thier best.........................I am JUST TIRED, VERY TIRED...........
DAD
Today (2nd November) would have been the start of Mic's 8th
week of being in hospital, but instead she is home with us!
It's so unbelievable to have her home. The whole week she
has been really anxious about coming home, and now that she is here, I don't think she can quite believe it herself. She keeps
waking up in the night and saying how she wants to go home, and I keep reassuring her that she is home.
She also worries
continuously about her medicines running out and also when she can have the hospital bracelet off. She is still experiencing
a lack of short term memory, so if you visit her and she goes over the same things, don't get annoyed, it's just her brain
trying to get the messages across.
Cognitive effects - This is when you ability to think, reason,
process information and problem solve is affected. You may experience problems with your memory, particularly your short-term
memory. You may also experience difficulty with your speech and communication skills.
Getting
MJ in and out of the car with the wheelchair is a bit of a mission,
but she handles it all really well. The process we go through is: we push her to the front door on the commode (portable loo),
she then has to stand up, step off the stair at the front of the house, turn, sit in her chair, push her to the car, stand,
turn and place her bottom on the seat. Voila she is in the car. We are also having to assess places we can go with her, for
disabled access, long before we even get there.
All things said and done, I'm just really glad she's home. I'll go
through all the hardship of transferring, as long as she is home with me.
During this last week MJ has learned to stand for a lot longer, she has managed to transfer her weight from one
leg to another, physio had her in the parallel bars, so she
could learn to walk. MJ walked the length of the bed whilst one of the physio's held her waist and the other held her right
arm.
Mic is a changing picture every week. All the medical staff have been so amazed by her progress. I took Mic back
to ICU earlier in the week to give them a thank you card. Very emotional for me to go back in there. None of the nurses that
looked after Mic were on duty at the time. There was a docotor that remembered us though, although he couldn't quite remember
why. When we left, he obviously had a look at the records and soon after came up to the ward. He spoke with the nurses and
then came to chat with me. He told me that he couldn't believe the progress Mic has made thus far. He admitted that they never
thought Mic would ever wake up fully. There were 2 other cases of kids being knocked over by cars when MJ was in ICU. The
doc told me that whilst each of the kids were doing different things, MJ was by far the least responsive. He also said that
he was going back to ICU to tell everyone what wonderful progress Mic has made. (I gave them the details of the website so
they can keep up to date with her progress.)
I'm going to rush downstairs now to see if my little princess is awake
and make her some pancakes for breakfast.
MOM
How are we coping (October):
I have never in my life been so afraid of anything. I have seen nearly everthing possible in todays world,
yet seeing my McAyla lying there that day was overwhelming. I can only start to say how much I have cried inside for her,
wondering why such a bright young life should be snuffed out. I wondered about her growing up not being the same and not being
able to enjoy all those things she should have. I need to show my McAyla that I am there for her, to show her I will be there
for her and to give her what she wants and needs. Do I cry at night, NO. Do I worry about her at night,YES. I worry that she
will not enjoy life as she should have, as she would have wanted too. I do know she is getting better and that she will be
what she will be. I have accepted that ................ YET I HURT inside for ALL the life McAyla was going
to have. I hope people will understand when I say I LOVE MY McAYLA like a PRINCESS, every DAD would say that
I suppose and I would not blame them for thinking such no matter how OLD they are. Though she looks fine I KNOW she has lost
somthing forever !, thus the reason the song playing ................ the emotions of this song IS WHAT
I FEEL everyday deep in my heart, down where it hurts so bad...........Today I cried inside, I cried for the happiness
that McAyla has brought to so many.........the smile that could break a thousand hearts.........she still has that smile yet
I know that behind that smile is a child gone forever I am going to have to learn my new PRINCESS all over again and hope
that somone somwhere CONTINUE to shine down on her, so that just mabe,just mabe she WILL return home to me...........................I
still have McAyla,my wife and Cortni and Ashley and must now live a life changed forever............together.
DAD
How are we coping (September)
Many people have asked me how we are coping
as a family, as parents and as a mother. The honest answer is I don't really know. No-one knows how they will react in situations
forced upon them, until it happens to them. I can tell you that it's been an emotional roller coaster that I never want to
go on again.
I cannot go into detail of how the accident occurred, purely because I was not there and I don't want
to speculate. All I know is that my life changed forever on September 7th, 2008.
For the purpose of McAyla's friends
who may read this with their parent's permission, I will start at the beginning.
Sunday afternoon, McAyla's neighbourhood
friends knocked on the door, asking if she wanted to go with to the shops. I didn't have a problem with this as I know McAyla
is careful on the roads. The funny thing is, I don't think she really wanted to go as she rolled her eyes when she asked.
I told her not to go if she didn't want to. She went anyway.
A few moments later, there was a loud knock on the door.
I opened it and McAyla's 15 year old friend screamed out "McAyla's been hit by a car!" Dave was laying on the couch but
as soon as he heard, he was out of the door and running down the road in his socks. I pulled on trainers and followed. I cannot
tell you if I left the door open or not. I know I left Cortni standing in the lounge. I don't even know if she followed me
out the door. Luckily, Ashley and Samantha were at home to look after her.
About half way down the road, I passed the
social club and heard somebody say something. I suddenly stopped running and wondered if I really wanted to see what was waiting
for me around the corner. Then I thought about my baby laying in the road and I started to run again.
As I turned the
corner, I saw the ambulance, paramedics tending to McAyla, Dave walking, fingers linked behind his head, police stopping traffic
and turning them away, McAyla's friends crying and walking toward me. I ran to McAyla and saw blood pooling around her head,
her face was pointed to her right and her forehead looked like it was split in two. I touched her and spoke with her, reassuring
her of my love. I looked for Dave. He was sitting on the pavement, colour had drained from his face. There was a blonde woman
with him, talking to him. I noticed McAyla's trainer on the pavement and looked for the other one. I couldn't see it. I looked
at her feet and noticed the tops of her socks had holes in them. There was a man, not in uniform, but helping McAyla. I saw
high heel shoes and keys neatly on the pavement. This seemed odd to me. The blonde woman approached me and I noticed her feet
were bare. I later learned she was an off duty police officer and the man helping McAyla was an off duty doctor.
All
of this seemed to happen in slow motion, until I saw Ashley coming up the road crying and panic in her eyes. I hugged her
and told her to go home. I needed to be with McAyla and I needed Ashley at home to look after Cortni. A neighbour walked her
away.
I asked the paramedics if I could go with them in the ambulance. They agreed and loaded McAyla up first and I
had to sit in the front. It was at this point I got to walk around the car that struck my baby girl. The only thing I saw
was the impact point on the windscreen.
We drove to County Hall and met the air ambulance. Again they took McAyla first and then loaded me up. Only once in the helicopter, did the tears start to stream
down my face. We arrived at Birmingham Children's Hospital and they whisked her into A&E. I had to wait until the helicopter
cleared the air space. Why, I don't know. Then I was taken to see McAyla in A&E and that's when I got really scared. I
have never seen so many people work on such a little body, just trying to save her life. They told me everything they were
doing, but for all the money in the world, I cannot remember half of it. Once they were happy, they sent McAyla for a CT scan,
which is like an x-ray of the brain.
I met up with Dave who had arrived at the hospital during this time, and we were
then sent to wait in the parents waiting room in ICU. Time passed very slowly as we waited to see MJ. When we did get to see
her, it was very scary. There were tubes and wires going into her, a monitor was above her and there was a ventilator breathing
for her.
That night, we didn't sleep much. In fact, for many nights we didn't sleep properly or eat. For the 9/10 days
that McAyla was in ICU, I kept a bedside vigil, occasionally swapping with Dave. McAyla was eventually moved to ward 10. On
Friday 19th, she opened her eyes fully for the first time. I was so excited. The only problem was she didn't seem
to recognise me.
As each day passes, she makes a little more progress. On Tuesday, I noticed she was moving her tongue
in her mouth and it looked like she was trying to say something and becoming frustrated. So, I decided to pull tongues at
her and make funny shapes with my mouth. When I told her to pull her tongue out, she did! Yesterday she had a physio session
and they were very happy with her progress. Whilst she can't sit on her own yet, she tried to roll over when asked and lifted
her right leg on command. She looked for me yesterday when asked and that made me so excited. Oh, and in case you were wondering,
even if you are sick, you have to go to school! The teachers have been up 3 times to see McAyla, but each time she's been
asleep. Do you think she does it on purpose?
McAyla tires easily now and there will be many things she needs to learn
again. Once she is feeling stronger, we will arrange visiting times for you all.
For those grown-ups who ask about
the driver, we assume she is devestated by what has happened. As far as Mic's friends are concerned, we have spoken
with the parents and offered to get the kids counselling should they need it. At the end of the day, in situations like this,
nobody is a winner, but everybody does lose something.
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| My Princess............ |
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